Finding a Mental Balance this Summer

Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes

Leaving school and heading into summer can often find kids wanting a period of time without structure and rules as well as not being held accountable to rules or expectations. As parents, we find that helping our kids strike a healthy balance between rest, outdoor activities, chores, and playtime can sometimes be emotionally taxing and frustrating.

Reading the book Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas, has been such an eye opening read. Each chapter of the book is broken down so seamlessly and at the end the author gives you takeaways to try with your child. As he goes into Chapter 9 titled “Habits and Practices,” he suggests first sitting down with our kiddos as we come up with a plan for summer. Some of us may find ourselves already doing this. Maybe your family does a bucket list of places they want to go or maybe each family member gets to decide a place. By changing the phrase from “What Do you want to do this summer?” to “What do you want your summer to look like?” can be a simple modification that can help your child feel like they have a say in their summer plans. Now does that mean if they are wanting to stay up late every night, sleep in every morning and just sit on the couch and play video games, that we go with it? I believe that we listen to their thinking and then help them to find a healthy balance. What are the expectations, rules and chores for this summer? What freedoms do they have? Are there passions that your child has that can be found through volunteer opportunities?

The Healthy Mind Platter

So what if we have sat down, asked our kiddos what they want their summer to look like and are ready for the next step? What does a successful balance look like? When reading Chapter 9 of Raising Emotionally Strong Boys, Author David Thomas first draws us back to remember the food pyramid. This pyramid was used to remind us of a healthy balance of foods that we should be eating and we could often find the poster hanging in our elementary school cafeteria. The Healthy Mind Platter was created by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel in collaboration with Dr. David Rock. This was founded on the principal of seven daily essential activities to do in order to have our best brain/ mental health. These activities include Focus Time, Playtime, Connecting Time, Physical Time, Time In, Down Time and Sleep Time. David describes these as nutrients for your brain. The essential seven can be found at drdansiegel.com. I have included some activity ideas that we have tried in case you are interested!

Focus Time:

This activity requires focusing on a task with a goal in mind. It is a way to keep our brain challenged.

Having a goal oriented mindset can help your kiddo learn perseverance, truly understand that hard work pays off, and develop discipline. Is your child wanting to learn something new? Try a new sport or activity? What is your child passionate about? Are there classes, mentors or internships that your child could be apart of? Help your child set a goal. Make it a big deal and discuss the steps in order to achieve that goal. Consider making a bar graph of their progress or another visual form. Other focus time ideas:

• Learning how to draw a specific object or scene
• Learning how to play pickleball
• Making a new friend
• Volunteering____ times a week
• Learning a new swim stroke
• Learning to tie your shoes
• Learning all of the 1st grade sight words

*We like chalking outside on the sidewalk and learning to draw new objects.

Playtime:

This involves some form of creativity, being playful, doing things on the whim and creates new connections.

It is amazing what playtime can do for the mind. So much research is out there on the benefits of play. So what does play look like? Introducing creativeness for the first time to our child sometimes makes us think we need to run to Michaels and load up on supplies that start to add up. However, creativeness can simply be looking up at the clouds and naming the animal shapes they see, or making up a story with the first animal they see when going on a walk. It gets their brain thinking, working and making connections. Other playtime ideas:

• playing outside (refer to post Change Inside Life into Outside Living)
• meeting your neighbors and arranging a playdate at the park
• being spontaneous and in the moment
• having a dance party in the backyard
• playing in the front yard
• painting rocks you found while going on a walk
• inviting a friend over to play

*A consistent favorite in our house is playing outside! Start with a small amount of time and work up your child’s stamina.

Connecting Time:

This involves community with others in a face to face setting. It gives us a sense of gratefulness while helping “activate and reinforce the brain’s relational circuitry.”- drdansiegel.com

In a world where texting and other forms of non face to face communication exists, it can be hard for our children to know exactly how to properly have communication with others. Matter of fact, teaching our children how to hold a conversation with others is almost a new norm. When our kiddos are around other people face to face, it helps them to acclimate to different personalities, find common interests, learn new things and develop deeper friendships. As parents, finding our village of people can help foster those opportunities for our kids to have ample people to communicate with, especially if they have children that your child can do life with. See post on “Finding Our Village in a Busy World.” Other connecting opportunities:

• volunteer opportunities
• getting involved in a church group
• allowing your child to participate in your garage sale
• encouraging your child to teach something to a friend
• getting involved in your local library activities
• forming a book club
• hosting a neighborhood get together

*We love signing up for all of the library summer reading programs in our area. They all have something different to offer and are free!

Physical Time:

This involves getting our bodies to move in a physical way, if we are medically capable.

Movement is so important for our little ones and can have so many health and mental benefits. My kids seem to be so much calmer, kind and focused when they’ve had ample physical activity during the day. Getting outside is a great way to tie several of these essential mind activities together. Other physical time options:

• trying a new sport together as a family
• playing chase in the backyard
• time at the park
• going on a morning run
• going on a walk
• playing with the dog
• swimming

*Evening walks are our thing! Its nice and cool and gives you the opportunity to meet new neighbors!

Time in:

This involves our inner most being. When we focus on how we feel, what we are processing, internalizing things we see, using our 5 senses to absorb.

Time in can be immensely important for our kids . When we take in the day and really think about how we are internalizing, I feel like it keeps us from burying emotions and missing out on important beauties in our lives. Stopping at various points during the day and checking in with your child can help make sure those emotions and discoveries do not get overlooked. It might be an emotional check-in or one where you stop everything and just have them notice things with their 5 senses. Other Time in options:

• finding a spot at the park and having your child describe things around them using their 5 senses. Have them close their eyes and describe the sounds they hear or plug their ears and describe what they see, etc.
• after a game, have them discuss the emotion they are feeling and validate their thoughts.
• after playing with a friend, have them share the highs and lows from the experience.
• getting your child a journal to write in at the end of the day. This could be a simple notebook.
• share your thoughts about situations in life, so your child has a model and feels more comfortable.
• using a feelings chart, have your child point to the feeling they are feeling that day.

*I love implementing a feelings chart in our day. Its a great way to break away from the typical feeling words (mad, happy, sad) to really understand how our children are feeling.

Downtime:

This involves an absence of focus. We allow our brain to be free of thought, relax and rejuvenate.

Downtime, which is different from sleep time, is an unfocused interval where we allows our minds to drift and engage in almost mindless activities. For some it may be coloring, others it might be sitting on the couch. Either way it is something that you should not have to give much thought to, has your brain should be recovering. Other downtime options:

• knitting
• doing a puzzle
• reading
• laying outside on a blanket
• yoga
• stretching
• watching TV
  

*We love to do a little of each of these. But my daughter has lately been interested in yoga!

Sleep time:

This involves allowing the brain to completely rest and recuperate.

Sleep time is crucial four our bodies to heal and recover from the day’s activities. Getting the appropriate amount of sleep is key, and when we can have a complete set of sleep cycles, we seem to feel better.

Key Takeaways:

Raising Emotionally Strong Boys by David Thomas is a great read, for helping to raise your child to be a stable, confident, emotionally strong adult. Alongside this book, The Seven Essential Habits were created by Dr. Dan Siegel in collaboration with Dr. David Rock. Dr. Dan Siegel stating that “these seven daily activities make up the full set of “mental nutrients” that your brain and relationships need to function at their best.” Incorporating these into your day, help form habits and practices that help design a full balanced day especially during the summer for your kids.

Building habits and practices that support well being is key

If you’re interested in incorporating these seven essential habits into your family’s daily routine, click on the picture below for a free weekly schedule using the essential habits. There is space beside each habit to brainstorm an idea for the day. On the sleep time section, you can track your child’s hours of rest. My friend Kelsey Shortnacy created the document! You can find her other creations on teacherspayteachers.