Teaching Children About Emotions and Positive Expression

Estimated Reading Time: 8 Minutes

Are your children struggling to communicate with you? As a mom, I know I need help with teaching my children about emotions and a positive way to express them. Keep reading for some momma support PLUS A FREEBIE AT THE BOTTOM.

Hey Sweet Family and Friends,

As a child, I remember associating the feeling of being angry as a negative emotion.

Today, I feel like that still holds true for some of our kids. Sometimes words get lost in transition and they think its not okay to be angry. As I think back on situations with my kiddos, it has taught me to be more mindful of my word choices. Making sure to teach them that emotions are just that…. emotions. It’s how we act upon them that can be positive or negative. So, how do we teach our kiddos how to express the feeling of anger?

Teach children that anger is an emotion like every other emotion.

I believe the best way is to first teach anger as an emotion like every other emotion. Sometimes as adults we teach emotions as negative and positive feelings or almost shun the emotion of anger in a category all of its own. I LOVE using a feelings chart. I love that each emotion, in each box, is created equally and mixed together with the other emotions. A feelings chart can be used with any child, and I love that it introduces them to vocabulary other than happy, sad and mad. Here are some keys to using a feelings chart:

1.) Introduce the feelings chart to your child before using it as a daily tool. Make sure that you’ve discussed the emotions on the chart, so that your child understands the true understanding of each emotion.

2.) Instill a true understanding of “why” the chart is being used. When there is a purpose, it makes it more meaningful. Refer to my post “The Journey of Mindfulness: Nurturing Awareness in Children’s Lives“

3.) Use the chart at various times during the day, not just when your child is upset. First thing in the morning, after a playdate, and the end of the school day and before bed are just a few ideas.

4.) When discussing why your child is feeling a specific emotion, make sure to validate their feelings. Your child is going to want to feel safe knowing that they can be honest about their feelings.

5.) Be consistent. This is an avenue for your child to express themselves. Teaching our child to communicate using their words can help them tremendously and implementing it as a regular engagement will assist them in being clear about how they feel in various situations in life.

Assist your child with a detour for the energy that comes with emotions.

The next way we can help kiddos with anger is by helping them come up with positive ways to display that energy.

With any emotion, whether it be excited, sad, nervous, etc. we all exhibit an internal or external energy. When teaching kiddos how to use that energy in positive ways, it allows them to understand first that it’s okay to feel angry, but also use it channel it into something positive. Again, I think it’s important to show how to channel energy from all feelings versus focusing on anger.

For example, children sometimes tend to get loud when they are excited. Being indoors or at a restaurant may not be the place for that display of excitement. Or maybe when your child gets nervous, they bite their nails.

If we can discuss options for expressing their emotions prior to these situations, our kiddos can begin to have a bank of “detours” that still allow for their feelings to be expressed, but in a positive way.

What detours can we put in place to help our children

So, what do these detours look like?

First comes observation. When watching, interacting and listening to your child, what do you notice about the way they are expressing themselves? What do they do when they are happy? Sad? Angry? Take note of expressions that are consistently appropriate and inappropriate. Watching for these specific feelings may take a few weeks as sometimes they may express them in various ways. Remember that some kiddos are very internal and may not express their feelings at all. Please do not immediately confuse this with them handling the emotion well. Sometimes our most quiet kiddos struggle internally and need to be checked on the most! Make note if your child seems to express no emotion, so you can check in with them.

Second, comes using the feelings chart. Choose one emotion to begin with. I think it’s always good to start with an emotion they handle well. Discuss the emotion, WHEN they personally feel that way and the great ways they express that emotion. Ways to be specific:

• I love that when you were happy today, you had a smile on your face.
• It was great seeing you handle your excitement by getting ready for the day quickly.
• I love that you were happy your friend was spending the night! Cleaning your room so well, was a great way to make your friend feel comfortable.
• I am sorry__________ happened today, but the way you handled it was very mature. I know that made_____ feel much better.
• I am sorry you broke your toy today, but I love that you helped me clean it up.

Third, now it’s time to slowly start making the changes. Slowly helping your child redirect the inappropriate energy into positive energy. The easiest way is to go in order of the feelings chart. This way your child doesn’t think you are pinpointing an emotion specifically from that day.

Day 1: Starting on the first emotion (doing only one emotion each day) of the feelings chart, discuss the name of the emotion, when they personally feel that way, and how they typically express that emotion. It’s important to let your child share what THEY think they do to express that emotion. This is about them discovering lifelong skills to help regulate their emotions. If they are not completely honest at first, give it time. When they see they aren’t getting in trouble during this time, they will probably begin to feel more comfortable and honest. After they share how they think they express the feeling, discuss if they feel it is an appropriate or inappropriate way to express it. Discuss why; if you agree that it is appropriate, commend your child’s action and encourage continuing to exhibit the expression of that emotion in those ways. If you find their expression inappropriate, create a bank of options they can do when they feel this way. It might be easier at first to have a general bank for expressions so that your child can remember them easier. For example:

When I am feeling_______,_________,_________, ________

I can:

Write in my journal

Relax and take a bath

Run in the backyard

Play with the dog

I think the best time to do this reflection is at night before bed as they get to reflect on their entire day. However, if you are getting home late or off schedule one evening you may want to do it earlier in the day. I think that one of the most important parts of of this process is to NOT do it right after the inappropriate energy was displayed. For one, if they are in trouble for it, they aren’t truly going to be listening and secondly kiddos listen better when they are calm.

After you have taken some time, whether its days or weeks to implement, then you can use this process as a reminder each night. Keeping the consistency is best. Even if your child begins to do well with most or all of the emotions, checking in and referring is the key to continued success. New situations, friends and controversy happen each day as our kiddos grow, thus the need for emotional check ins and understandings of how to adapt to them.

Key Takeaways:

1. Anger is a normal emotion: Teach children that anger, like any other emotion, is a natural response to certain situations. Avoid categorizing it as solely negative or positive.
2. Introduce a feelings chart: Use a feelings chart to expand children’s emotional vocabulary and help them understand and identify different emotions. This chart promotes a balanced view of emotions and their diverse expressions.
3. Validate their feelings: When discussing anger or any other emotion, make sure to validate your child’s feelings. Create a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions honestly.
4. Channeling energy into positive outlets: Teach children how to redirect their energy associated with anger into constructive activities. Encourage them to find healthy ways to express their emotions, building a bank of positive outlets.
5. Observation and reflection: Observe how your child expresses different emotions and take note of both appropriate and inappropriate expressions. Engage in discussions allowing them to identify their emotions and explore alternative ways of expressing them.
6. Consistency is key: Be consistent in using the feelings chart and encouraging positive expression of emotions. Regular check-ins and reminders help children internalize these skills and apply them in various situations.
7. Adaptability and growth: Recognize that emotional regulation is an ongoing process. Help children understand that as they grow and face new experiences, they will encounter different emotions and challenges, requiring continued emotional check-ins and adaptations.

By embracing the understanding that emotions, including anger, are a natural part of life, parents can empower their children to navigate their emotions, express themselves effectively, and develop lifelong skills for emotional well-being and healthy relationships.

If someone hasn’t told you today, you are a Rockstar who is trying to do it all and doing it fabulously. Your kiddos are going to grow tremendously because of your dedication and love for them. Keep lovin those babies!

Yours Truly,

On your side

As you go about your day, your week, your month, your year, remember that you were created on purpose for a purpose and so was your child.

Click the image below for a Feelings Chart Freebie. There is a 6-box chart for ages 3-5 and a 12-box chart for ages 6+.